threads

pulling, fraying, unraveling...these threads just keep coming out.

names and dates and memories converge and split - meaning emerges.

i am heading to court on Tuesday, but not just any Tuesday - August 28th. i have something else going on that day, some fact or holiday or event that i need to mark. what was it again? oh yes, its Carlos' Gotcha Day. 

court and Carlos and 08.28. CASA and foster care. broken hearts, broken promises, broken dreams...unraveling heart. spinning, spinning, all these months...trying to make meaning from the madness, trying to escape, escape. am i losing it here?

i can't give anymore. i can't be anymore. i can't. can i?

 these kids - who can reach them? this situation - who can save it? i cautiously pull on hope and pray it holds, what i need is a thread strong enough to mend brokenness. does it exist?

i am here because i was there. i was there because he was worth it - beautiful gift in unexpected packaging, a surprise we just couldn't have prepared our hearts to hold.

he is here because we were there...the threads just keep coming. all is connected. each moment seamlessly woven to the next until i stop and realize - this is one story. 

this - 08.28 - then and now. these kids and him. my appearance in court as aunt, now advocate. its all connected. i keep pulling the threads - pulling, fraying, unraveling, until the very last one yields. i am undone. 

for Carlos.
You are linked in my heart to some kids you will never meet. I am your aunt. I am their CASA. Those two facts are held together by a thread only God could weave.